a touch more of my story...the romance portion

i was 17. i had just graduated high school. i was fixing to start college at the university of georgia. i was going to bring home the football team. meaning i was planning on dating all of them. i guess God had other plans.

he was 18. he had just graduated high school. 800 miles away from where he was. he had just broken up with his girlfriend of over 2 years. his friends told him that it was "3 to 1 in atlanta." meaning he was planning on getting lucky with as many georgia girls as possible. i guess God had other plans.

it was a friday night and my youth group was having a lock in. he came with his friends. again. when i had tried to introduce myself at youth service the wednesday before, he ignored me. or didn't hear me, at least that's his side of the story. the boys were playing ball, every kind of ball known to man. the girls were cheering them on, throwing them starburst when they did something good, or something we thought was cute. later on, i rewarded them all with back massages. he enjoyed that and asked me to breakfast. i smiled, said i "didn't DO breakfast" & sauntered away. but not before letting him know that he could take to dinner & a movie with all that money he had in his wallet (i had held his wallet while he swam). he called me later that day & we made plans for monday night.

it was date night. he picked me up in his mini van. yes, girls, a mini van. he looked so cute in his glasses that he had apologized for wearing but he needed them to see to drive at night. i told him he looked cute in them. he has worn them ever since. we went to see "a time to kill." before it started, he commented on how tiny my hands were & asked me to compare them to his. he was so sneaky...threading his fingers through mine until we were holding hands. now that's smooth, ladies,smoooooooth. :)

we've been together ever since that day.

almost 15 years.

that's a long time.

almost half my life.

wow.

enter to win @ BbB!

love these girlies, they are beyond fabulous!!!
BabyBeBlessed

after a pregnancy loss...

it seems like almost every friend i have has been through a loss of pregnancy. but i have a feeling i was the first of us to ever go through it & i had to do it all on my own. i was only 18 years old. i had only been out of high school for one year. i was over 800 miles away from my family. i had no friends except my boyfriend (who is now my husband, by the way). and his mother hated me (at the time, she loves me now). and everybody was happy that my baby died, except me. at least, that's how i felt at the time.

so in effort to help a dear little friend who is going through this right now, i decided to write a list of sorts to let her know what to expect. how crazy her heart is going to feel for a while. how crappy her life will feel for a while. but also, Who to turn to and Who to trust even when you don't want to or can't understand.

i'm also going to write a post soon about infertility & the stupid stages that come along with that, too.

yeah, my life hasn't been easy. can ya tell? :)

ok, sweet darlin...here's how it might play out:

*you'll want to cry, even when there seems to be no more tears, even when you feel dehydrated. and it's ok to cry.

*you'll want to scream & yell about the unfairness of it all. you'll want to scream at God & tell Him He sux. and it's ok. He understands & He still loves you.

*you'll want people to actually acknowledge your loss, even when nothing they say will make you feel better or even be the right thing for them to say. and it's ok for their words to upset you even when you want them to say SOMETHING.

*you'll want to curl up into a ball & die. and it's ok to feel this way, but only for a little while.

*you'll want someone to just hold you. my arms are here.

*you'll need to talk about it. it's ok to talk about it. some people will try to make you feel like it's a taboo subect but it's not. my ears are here too.

*you'll want to hit something or somebody. i suggest a gym with a bag :)

*you'll want to smack all pregnant women. please don't go to jail! seriously, it's very normal to feel this way. just remember, you wouldn't wish your pain on anyone.

*you'll want to snatch every infant you see. again, no jail time.

*you'll want to seriously hurt every bad mother you see. especially those who only see their children every few days much less actually raising them themselves. take a breath, pray for them, pray for their children & let it go.

*you'll want to cry some more. it's ok. just cry as much as you want.

my heart hurts for all women who have to experience this life altering tragedy. my prayer for you is that you get through. get through & grow & cling to our Savior. know Him more, my friends. know His heart. He loves you so.

more freeness

i like free. free is good. i'm not entering the contest this week, but wanted everyone else to know about it! plus i love baby be blessed & want to promote them every chance i can. go here

please and thank you.

almost forgot my manners.

:)

my sweet girls @ BabyBeBlessed

oh how i love these girls! they always have the sweetest giveaways, go check them out here

they also have finished dolls & accessories for purchase here

whatever

whatever. the wittiest comeback/answer to a question EVER.

you look nice today. WHATEVER.

do you know what time it is? WHATEVER.

kiss my tail. WHATEVER.

it's gold; gold, i say! and i'm bringing it back...for the second time in my life. the teen years were a gold mine of activity for the whatever. and i feel the need to unleash it's power again.

grow up, carrie. WHATEVER.

see????? PURE GOLD, i tell you!

selfish people piss me off

and trust me, i piss myself off sometimes too. i'm not always selfless. i do, however, believe that i don't indulge in a lifestyle of selfishness. unlike SOME people i know.

ok, so i'm being a butthead.

but SERIOUSLY! you do everything for YOU, with no one else on your mind or heart, then have the nerve to complain about your life( and P.S., if you have children, there is no room for selfishness in your life. grow up & think about them for a chnage.)?!?!? it's your own stupid fault.

here's my advice: quit being stupid. AH, i kid. and crack myself up!

if you can't stand your life, here's a novel idea...CHANGE IT. or better yet, give it to the One who can. change it, that is. (ok, ok, i know i used the word "pissed" & it's not exactly "Christian" so how dare i talk about God or Jesus??? because i'm human. and i haven't arrived yet.) i'm not going to tell you that your life will be rosy & peachy if you give your life to Christ. it won't be. it will actually seem harder & crappier (is that even a word?!) when you choose to do the right thing & to live a life chasing after Him. why? because now the devil has a target on you. but trust me, it will be worth it. and it WILL get better. because you'll open yourself up to the promises & blessings of God. that will NOT let you off the hook for screwing things up before though. sorry to burst that bubble. there are consequences to sin. He forgives your sin but that doesn't automatically exempt you from the consequences.

and you'll probably have to break off some relationships in your life, which will hurt. be it a significant other, friends or even family members...sometimes it has to be done. learn to be the YOU that God created you to be. we tell the teens all the time, "show me your friends & i'll show you your future." you become who you're around. just a simple fact. now does that mean to totally ignore people that probably need to run to Jesus too? of course not. but spending all of your time with them will not be exactly "uplifting" for you when they're still trying to pull you back into the life you once had that you hated. there are some people that we have had to pray for & leave in God's hands, trusting that He would send someone else into their lives that can lead them to Him because we were just not going to be the right ones to do it. they remember too much & are bitter about our old lives or are too close to us & won't hear anything we have to say.

guess what else? you'll need to go to church. OMG. imagine that, a Christ follower in church. think about it like this...if you want to be a doctor, don't you have to go to medical school? you need training & support from others who have already been there, that can answer your questions & guide you. so don't be a pain; get yourself up & go to church. reading the bible helps too...just sayin'. there are folks at the church that can help you with that, too. wow, such wisdom i'm imparting ;o)

so i don't sound like a total jerk here, i do know what it feels like to be sick of your life and want a change. i ran to Jesus. He changed me. He can change you, too.