Parental discretion is advised

Oh lord. I was reading a blog & it mentioned a company named Madeon Hard Lotion...wellllll, I read it as Hard on Made lotions & was like ewww that's freakin nasty.

Yeah, that's my brain.

Please don't judge me.

Cry baby

Sooooo.....

I haven't done a good job of not being a cry baby. Poor DFCS. Poor CASA. Poor, poor pitiful me.

It's so hard to wait when you know how things are going to turn out. And it's hard to be Christlike when you're constantly surrounded by someone who works your very last nerve. It's like a nagging little tickle in your throat that you just can't clear out.

IRRITATING. I believe that's the word I'm looking for.

I just want to be her mama. Without limits. I want to sleep without fear or doubt. I'm ready to move forward. I'm tired of treading water.

Lord, let today be the day. Let decisions be made today concerning her becoming ours permanently.

All I want for Christmas is an adoption date.

I don't want to be a cry baby anymore.

My Jerry Maguire moment

I LOVE BLACK PEOPLEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Now that that's out of the way...

Oh do I have stories for you people when this legal drama is over. I really should have a stand up routine from all of this riveting material.

Stay tuned, my friends. Good stuff on the way.

:)

ladybug update

almost every day i get asked how the baby is doing & where we are in the adoption process. so i'll answer here :)

how is she doing? as of right now, she's got a snotty nose, but who doesn't?!? she's doing pretty well physically. not sure if every one knows, but as a brand new newborn miss ladybug was VERY ill & suffered ill effects in the form of physical delays & a hearing disorder called auditory neuropathy. her physical delays seem to only be in the area of gross motor skills. her fine motor skills are pretty much appropriate for her age. she is 15 months old now & is not quite crawling...YET! she's getting there with daily therapy from me & seeing a therapist every other week. and before you know it, my sweet baby won't be a baby anymore. she'll be a toddler on the move. i have to admit, i've quite enjoyed her staying "babyfied" a little longer. am i bad??? she's still a little wobbly when she sits as well. cerebral palsy is still a diagnosis we MAY receive. BUT GOD. He's good, ya know? and my poor darlin could have received much more damage to her little brain & body than she did. i prayed for her. the first thing i did when i got to her was lay my hands on her tiny head. He heard me.

auditory neuropathy? the strangest condition & so very hard to explain. basically, her hearing nerve got damaged & therefore sometimes works & sometimes doesn't. doctors believe she could be hearing something similar to "static" on a regular basis with words coming in choppy sounding or not at all. as you can imagine, it would be very difficult to learn language if you're not hearing full words. we go to weekly auditory verbal therapy to learn how to teach her to listen & speak regardless of what she actually hears. cochlear implants may be needed to create a better "connection" with the nerve, so to speak. BUT GOD. He's good. and she's making progress with this therapy & we could possibly avoid surgery.

legal junk? it's raddafrakaschmakapppplllllbbbbbbbbb. yeah. that's all i gots to say about that. actually, i've had a lot more to say but i've decided after a year of crying, whining & complaining i need to suck it up & quit being a baby about it. and i just heard DFCS cheer... so we're still waiting. we're hoping it will resolve soon. just keep praying. we know she's our promise from God. and we trust Him.

A touch of crazy

It's been so long since I've written! I guess life just gets in the way, especially when you're not a famous, interesting person :)
I thought I'd share a little touch of my crazy today(which is usually a daily occurrence) but today I felt like writing.

I was getting ready to leave the house to get Chrislenn from school...grabbed the baby's bag & my purse & went to put them in the car. I like to cool the car down a but before I put the baby in since for some ungodly reason it's still 10 degrees shy of hell here in the south. I walked right out, head held high, breathing in the hot, liquidly fresh air (no sarcasm there...at all) & walked straight through a DAGGUM, FREAKIN spider web. Heeby jeeby dance insued, as did the checking of every inch of my skin searching for the DAGGUM, FREAKIN arachnid that caused this touch of crazy I was now experiencing. I did not make a fool of myself while inspecting my arm pits thoroughly for any signs of 2 point bites because EVERYONE knows that those disgusting vampires desire the warm fresh powdery scent of human underarms. It's their utopia I think. Nor do I continue to inspect the fresh powdered area because it now itches and/or burns every 5 milliseconds & that is not an exaggeration or just my imagination, thankyouverymuch.

Good thing Chrislenn is a touch used to her mama's crazy & has no fear of embarrassment as her mama drives up doing a lil dance.

my friends @ Baby be Blessed

another amazing giveaway @ Baby be Blessed! i love these girls & appreciate their ministry so much. not only have they blessed me but so many around the world. they really do PRAY over the dolls & the children they are going to. please check them out & go ahead & order something beautiful for your babies' Easter baskets, k? :)

a touch more of my story...the romance portion

i was 17. i had just graduated high school. i was fixing to start college at the university of georgia. i was going to bring home the football team. meaning i was planning on dating all of them. i guess God had other plans.

he was 18. he had just graduated high school. 800 miles away from where he was. he had just broken up with his girlfriend of over 2 years. his friends told him that it was "3 to 1 in atlanta." meaning he was planning on getting lucky with as many georgia girls as possible. i guess God had other plans.

it was a friday night and my youth group was having a lock in. he came with his friends. again. when i had tried to introduce myself at youth service the wednesday before, he ignored me. or didn't hear me, at least that's his side of the story. the boys were playing ball, every kind of ball known to man. the girls were cheering them on, throwing them starburst when they did something good, or something we thought was cute. later on, i rewarded them all with back massages. he enjoyed that and asked me to breakfast. i smiled, said i "didn't DO breakfast" & sauntered away. but not before letting him know that he could take to dinner & a movie with all that money he had in his wallet (i had held his wallet while he swam). he called me later that day & we made plans for monday night.

it was date night. he picked me up in his mini van. yes, girls, a mini van. he looked so cute in his glasses that he had apologized for wearing but he needed them to see to drive at night. i told him he looked cute in them. he has worn them ever since. we went to see "a time to kill." before it started, he commented on how tiny my hands were & asked me to compare them to his. he was so sneaky...threading his fingers through mine until we were holding hands. now that's smooth, ladies,smoooooooth. :)

we've been together ever since that day.

almost 15 years.

that's a long time.

almost half my life.

wow.

enter to win @ BbB!

love these girlies, they are beyond fabulous!!!
BabyBeBlessed

after a pregnancy loss...

it seems like almost every friend i have has been through a loss of pregnancy. but i have a feeling i was the first of us to ever go through it & i had to do it all on my own. i was only 18 years old. i had only been out of high school for one year. i was over 800 miles away from my family. i had no friends except my boyfriend (who is now my husband, by the way). and his mother hated me (at the time, she loves me now). and everybody was happy that my baby died, except me. at least, that's how i felt at the time.

so in effort to help a dear little friend who is going through this right now, i decided to write a list of sorts to let her know what to expect. how crazy her heart is going to feel for a while. how crappy her life will feel for a while. but also, Who to turn to and Who to trust even when you don't want to or can't understand.

i'm also going to write a post soon about infertility & the stupid stages that come along with that, too.

yeah, my life hasn't been easy. can ya tell? :)

ok, sweet darlin...here's how it might play out:

*you'll want to cry, even when there seems to be no more tears, even when you feel dehydrated. and it's ok to cry.

*you'll want to scream & yell about the unfairness of it all. you'll want to scream at God & tell Him He sux. and it's ok. He understands & He still loves you.

*you'll want people to actually acknowledge your loss, even when nothing they say will make you feel better or even be the right thing for them to say. and it's ok for their words to upset you even when you want them to say SOMETHING.

*you'll want to curl up into a ball & die. and it's ok to feel this way, but only for a little while.

*you'll want someone to just hold you. my arms are here.

*you'll need to talk about it. it's ok to talk about it. some people will try to make you feel like it's a taboo subect but it's not. my ears are here too.

*you'll want to hit something or somebody. i suggest a gym with a bag :)

*you'll want to smack all pregnant women. please don't go to jail! seriously, it's very normal to feel this way. just remember, you wouldn't wish your pain on anyone.

*you'll want to snatch every infant you see. again, no jail time.

*you'll want to seriously hurt every bad mother you see. especially those who only see their children every few days much less actually raising them themselves. take a breath, pray for them, pray for their children & let it go.

*you'll want to cry some more. it's ok. just cry as much as you want.

my heart hurts for all women who have to experience this life altering tragedy. my prayer for you is that you get through. get through & grow & cling to our Savior. know Him more, my friends. know His heart. He loves you so.